selective joy

hEylo!!! welcome!!! Maningin-ningin nalang kyo d2.. bhala na kayo a =)
Not xur why i chose this theme
this pic is by "x_c" in Devart community... cat's name is Azi (i think)
please visit my other blog: tsinheehee
as of 9/9/06- may updates on both blogs

un lang.. salamat sa pag bisita!! tsinhEE ;)

[ Sulat ]

Saturday, August 26, 2006

fortunately enough, this is not the case... kaya pa naman sabi nga nila... (kaya pero nasa punto na na sobrang sobraNG sobRANG SOBRANG gusto ko nang sumuko!!!!)

my friend's getting stressed about her upcoming debut... and in an odd and why-the-hell? kinda way i'm feeling stressed about it to... i feel like even there, i'll have a lot expected of me.. (she said it herself.. "ui dpat ung speech mo maganda.. mapaiyak mo ako..." ) neh?? waaah!!

yes i'm an expert at being her tearjerker but in letters and cards and private confession sessions but.. before 100 people.. where 90% are all utterly unknown and unfamiliar to me! haaay pressure.. i don't even have something to wear...

our days have been going so so so so bad... ( okay at least my over studying for history paid off )
but everything is sooo i don't know... soo hard... one word to describe Sopho year... MAHIRAP!!

i'm anxious, frustrated, stressed, angry, sad, (hungry) and disappointed all at the same time.. i was able to maintain homeostasis all week.. while up and about running errands that never end... and this.. this saturday was supposed to be my OKAY day... it was supposed to be the day i pick out a gown for the debut, get tin a gift, finish a bit of our report and just get so many errands out of my hectic hectic schedule!!!

but things weren't good even at the beginning.. i stepped on wet cement in our site in NSTP (and not intentionally contrary to the shouting claims of the lady over there) "tanga tanga! sinadya niya yan! napaka.... walang modo! etc etc... " words that were clawing at my chest bit by bit... while i was timidly tucking my foot behind the chair.. (for signs) good thing they didn't find out it was me... two things could've happened... :

i totally wimp out or
i let out the big outburst of reasoning (with layers of the frustration, anger, and defiance) that i've been keeping bottled in me for weeks!

then what do i go home (dorm) to? i find out i'm unable to do the things i set out to... why??! no transpo! worse is i can't refix my sched.. i tried tweaking it.. then they still didn't follow through.. what am i to do?? i have nothing... i can't sacrifice anymore... i've already wasted 4 hours of just waiting..when i could've done so much ... and could've rid myself of burdens!

so i calmed myself in the rain... yes i watched it pour... i went up to the rooftop alone and watched the view; the busy cars, quiet buildings and dancing umbrellas all glazed under the rain in a misty backdrop... i stayed for a few minutes.. dumuyan, naglakadlakad, kumanta (the used's "I caught fire" is the BEST!!), kinausap ung pusa, at binugbog ung punching bag sa gym...

and i guess it did work...

i can't do anything about these things... we never seem to be able to...

i wish we could...

+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 3:38 AM