tag naman dyan!!
hEylo!!! welcome!!!
Maningin-ningin nalang kyo d2.. bhala na kayo a =)
Not xur why i chose this theme
this pic is by "x_c" in Devart community... cat's name is Azi (i think)
please visit my other blog: tsinheehee
as of 9/9/06- may updates on both blogs
un lang.. salamat sa pag bisita!! tsinhEE ;)
[ profile ]
Name:
Nicknames: tsinhee, chinee
Birthday: Sept. 10, 1988
[ hilig ]
music (rock), movies, anime, internet, drawing, computer, PS -some rpg
love animals :)
[ ayaw ]
ayoko sa mga taong nagkukunwari.. magpakatotoo nalng tyong lahat!
ayoko sa mga magpanghusga...
ayoko ng mga social climbers...
don't like cheesy luv stories
hate crappy non-sense horror movies
Email me: chichiri78@hotmail.com
betrayed_stigma@yahoo.com
raechellanne@yahoo.com
[ Sulat ]
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
i ain't pretty.
at least that's how i've been feeling these past few years. especially when sofomor year started. everything isn't pretty right now. they're not all that bad but they're not pretty.
so what's with Pretty? well... let's just say i always had a notion, a vision, at the back of my mind that my future was pretty. pretty damn good. it wouldn't be perfect (duh..) but i envisioned success, an elevated lifesytle, a unique living. i always thought i would be good. yes i confess. i may be a humble person but behind that is something in me that hates to lose (yet expects to), that believes great things wait ahead (yet is pessimistic about them).
pretty = elite. elite = triumph triumph = happiness
that's pretty much the formula i think my mind has been following and formulating all these years. i don't know if i should be glad about it. i seem to think that if everything is so nice and perfect around all the aspects of my life then i'll be happy. i don't need to be rich but i don't want to be average. i don't need to be beautiful but i expect to be pretty. i don't need to be a socialite yet i don't want to be entirely disconnected. i don't need to get the perfect job but i want to be at the top of my game. i don't need to be a dean's lister but i want to be special. i don't expect to be a genius but i expect to be able to do most anything (except maybe sports). i just always want to come off pretty. never flawed or at least only minor flaws
i don't like the scars on my skin. i don't like my blemished face. i don't like my room which is starting to turn dirty. i don't like the way i live right now which is full of complications and inconveniences. i don't like my course exactly. i don't like what i'm writing now. i don't like how i've been living. i don't like ugly.
i want a home. i want a face. i want to be with my family. i want to be appreciated. i want to dream and make those dreams come true. i want things to be pretty.
i want to be better than others. yes its selfish. but i think i was raised that way or if not life seemed to rear me in that manner. in Saudi, those were a few years of unrelenting prettiness. No blemishes, no scars, no ordinary there. It may not be perfect but at least i had a home. i was with my family. i was popular. i was a winner. i felt good. and then back at the philippines, it began. elite schools all the way. no wonder i started feeling so ugly, so ordinary, so useless. elite people everywhere. so seemingly perfect. so pretty. and unconsciously i think i've been vying for that. i may not be able to do it. but i want to. i want to be that lovely, smart, and successful working woman in the future who knows people and goes places. i want to be a Big Fish in the Big World not just in my small pond.
how many times did i say pretty? pretty damn irritating isn't it? hehe. well bottom line: i expect too much. i expect to much from life. i expect too much from myself. i want to be a winner. i try so hard. and the saddest part is when you try and you succeed but you don't really get what you wanted in the first place. there are many things, qualities i have right now that i would gladly exchange for something i find more useful, more desirable. other people would envy what i already have but i don't really see their use. so what if i could play the guitar and piano its not like anyone listens. so what if im creative and artistic its not like its seen or put to use. so what if i get good grades its not going to determine my place in that future. so what if i'm in Ateneo will that guarantee me happiness? so what if i have a perfect family i'm not with them anyway. so what? what?
PS: nagdadrama ako ngaun dahil: i just spent more than 12 hours cramming for a report others just finished in one sitting. i missed eco for that report. i feel harassed. i have insect bites all over me and i don't think they're really Just normal bites (scary...). i can't rest because we still have theo quiz. my face is starting to blemish again. i haven't eaten well in days. i feel defeated and i don't know what to do. i think i've lost control just now and i hate that! and finally.. its just been long since i've felt miserable.
+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 11:38 PM
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
napapadalas ata pag post ko dito... i realized whenever i like writing here it just means i'm troubled.. why the heck would i be rambling in front of a screen if i weren't desperate enough?!?!
i'm paranoid again... i lack sleep. (nothing new w/ that) i lack motivation. i lack purpose again. great.
well not really.. i'm just down again coz it all began w/ a stupid headache. i had another one.. actually right now while typing this i still have.. slight... i had to change all the songs im listening to to quiet ones. aargh..
i've been chatting w/ my dad, complaining about my weekly headaches.. doctors always say its coz of my eyes... yeah my eyes do hurt but so does my neck my temple and sometimes my whole right arm weakens for some unknown reason.. nagpatingin n ko before.. i don't have time to go to the doctor.. and being away from your family, you don't really find motivation to go to the hospitals.. really..
nung nsa saudi ako i was able to consult a doctor, i left just having to adjust the grade of my glasses.. but i wear it 75% of the day.. isn't that enough?? and besides nowadays i get headaches at the most unpredictable times... say, i just got back to the dorm from school.. im fine.. i did absolutely nothing that could strain my eyes.. then i try to nap (coz i get no sleep again last night) then suddenly i get a headache! where in the ?!?! why in the?!?!
i'm not worried... i'm not a person who worries about symptoms or impeding sicknesses (this is probably just coz of my EYES again.. i'm getting contacts if they say that one more time) but i'm easily bothered.. i can't study. i can't sleep. i waste hours and hours doing nothing but wait for my stupid headaches to subside... and i have midterms.. wasted time.. i just hate it... like the pain isn't enough... i have to sacrifice some of my studies too.. great just great..
i've been asking my mom about sleeping pills.. i've wanted to get those since 2nd yr started. i mean i can't sleep! even when i have all the time. i waste 3-5 hours on average on these stupid insomnia episodes. then i waste 2 to 4 more on my headaches.
i'm not going to excuse myself for bitching about this. my mom says there are no excuses when it comes to health... so there.. haha..
+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 1:09 AM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
yes i do that... always... haha.. and lately even more often. i wrote on my hand to remind myself to update this too. ^_^... i like drawing too.. (tattoos seem cool.. but i'm too afraid to have one..)
ang tagal ko nang hindi binuksan 'to.. oh well... ewan. ang dami ko namang makukuwento pero wala e.. tamad na.
tamad narin akong ikuwento lahat ng mga nangyari o nagdaan. (yes tagalog!) haha kanina wala lang.. habang kumakain (o naniningin sa National) napagusapan namin na gusto naming gumawa ng website. ung astig tapos gagamitan namin ng programming tapos flash saka mga astig na design.. pero nung iisipin na namin ung topic.... moment of silence labo talaga. website na walang laman. wala e. tuloy nung nag Eco panay un ang inisip ko. "ano kayang magandang topic??" ay ewan tapos napunta naman sa mga pangarap na organization etc. software company ba daw.. ang pangalan; Durian.. tag line, "Akala mo lang yun!".. haha.. ganyan talaga pag walang magawa
basta pangarap ko parin ang magkapagumpisa ng digital designs (ewan ko kung for games, movies, or 3d .. haha.. or ads) corporation hahaha... ang labo ko talaga! ang pangalan: N-ganyo..
pero meron talaga akong parang proj na gustong gawin either habang college or after pa; has sumthing to do with Microsoft...
ok english time:
so right now, i find it quite incredible that i'm not up to my ears with workload.. in fact lately i've been doing more work on extra curriculars.. designs etc. and i enjoy it.. (even though i'm really sooo confused as to whether i'm really on the design team or if they're just "outsourcing" to me. in short extra utos utos lang..) coz ... wla e.. basta.. complicated...
if there's a good side the neg side is; now i'm confused once again about my course... life's like that. another issue lately is my driving.. nope still don't have a license.. many things happened that would lead anyone to believe that maybe fate doesn't want me to get one.. haha.. (it even involves fire.. i'll let u imagine) but i seem to have no choice.. my grandfather is too old to be driving me around.. soon, i'll have to take the wheel.. if they get me the car i like, i'll feel more motivated.. but driving to and from katips to alabang.... that's not exactly a joy ride.
also i'm still undecided with wat mp3 player to get.. nano? video? (zune???) i just saw the iPhone... mmmmn... iPhone...... but it'll come to asia next year pa daw so nvm.. (as if i could afford it anyway.. hahaha)
peace!
+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 12:42 AM
Monday, December 11, 2006
The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey
Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:
Opening song: Simple and Clean - Utada Hikaru
Waking up: Lonely day - phantom planet
First date: Why Can't I - Liz Phair
First kiss: brighter than sunshine - aqualung
Falling in love: I caught fire - The used
Seeing an old love: All at once - the fray (ganda n2!)
Heartbreak: Best i ever had - Vertical Horizon
Driving fast: Somebody told me - The Killers (i luv)
Getting ready to go out: Must get out - maroon 5
Partying with friends: Play it Loud - MxPx
Dancing at a club: no tomorrow - orson
Flirting:
Feeling sexy:
Walking alone in the rain: Yellow - Coldplay
Missing someone: iris - goo goo dolls (all-time fave)
Playing in the ocean: fall back down - rancid
Summer vacation: Here i am - The Explosion
Fighting with someone: Pain - Jimmy eat world
Acting goofy with friends: all the small things - blink 182
Thinking back: in this diary - the ataris
Feeling depressed: on my own - the used
Christmas time: River - Joni Mitchell
Falling asleep: Chasing cars - Snow patrol
Closing song: all good things come to an end - nelly furtado (fave ko ngaun!!)
Take The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey
Get more cool things for your blog at Blogthings
+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 6:29 AM
Friday, November 10, 2006
hmmn... so... sembreak's over. on monday it's back to the usual setup... ( my blood pressure will be at constant high levels again.. hahaha) oh happy bday nga pala claire! pam din!
recap of sembreak: (uneventful, really...) - ktv sa greenhills - went to moa... (can't believe some of us stayed there till 10) - flight to saudi. first time alone and i'd say it was great. it all went smooth. and this lady who i asked questions from at the check in always managed to find me. She found me at the gate and waited with me. then when the plane landed in dammam (i didn't know there was a stop over.. hehe.. of course i didn't get off! even though the old man sitting next to me kept saying that's what we were supposed to do..) she found me too. i saw 2-3 movies.. haha.. (un lng inaabangan ko sa plane haha) didn't sleep at all i think. - at saudi. glad to see my family. esp my brother who probably grew a few inches but i'm still taller.. hehe.. hopefully tatangkad na pag nag 3rd yr - panay labas lang araw araw. sa tinagal kong 12 days, 2 days lng akong ndi lumabas. - at least i was able to swim, go biking ( i miss biking and i only get to bike whenever i'm there!), visit my favorite stores ( Jarir twice! and the pet's oasis ). - everyone had to go off to work and school so i was always left to the house every weekday. so i had the tv and the PS2 to myself... hahaha.. also the food. i love Bully! really nice... if ur into the rockstar games. - so my mom threw this sort of soooper belated bday celeb for me there in the compound's clubhouse. it was sort of her party since all those invited were her friends.. i knew probably just half of those... hehehe.. oh well let her have her fun. (at least i had many cool gifts hahaha... bawi na ko. alang regalo nung real bday e.. ) my speech was a tearjerker. yes even my mom's friends cried. i didn't even know i was supposed to say something. so yeah on the spot and i cried myself.. kakaiba un a.. - i felt really awkward when all those people esp my former adviser and my former teacher made speeches about how brilliant i was and stuff. they all said they were proud of me etc. that i was a model daughter etc. kinda creepy after a while. - i visited my teachers and the new school they put up (where my bro studies) nice.. - we just went out to different places and ate. that's all. - then flight back to philippines. it wasn't as comfortable as the first. - i saw a cute emo guy, i think... (basta rocker ang porma) i liked the hair. hehehe... kept lookin' at each other (yes... embarrasing...) - back at pinas.. ok. the very next day i enrolled.. i got jap for a foreign language. yay.. hehe. then from early afternoon till 9 i hung out w/ my hs friends. we stayed at ray's dorm. carlo was supposed to cook for us but Rustans was closed.. great.so we had kfc instead. hahaha. spent the day watching, playing vid games, watching them play warcraft, talking. etc. (sobrang nakakainggit mga kwento nila edgar about claire's debut/outing) - back at home, finally.. haha.. yesterday i went to get a driver's licencse but LTO's so great their computers were down.. perfect.. all that waiting for nothing now i need to skip a day at school and go all the way to las pinas from my dorm jst to finalize it... really great!
hope u guys had a great sembreak.. i'm doomed to spend mine every year in saudi and we have summer classes every year as well... oh well...
+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 7:33 PM
Monday, October 02, 2006
'di nga?! pare... grabe 'tong mga nakaraang araw!
okay of course as expected, i'll share my own "milenyo blues". Let's start from the dorm. Okay so i really had no notion of this coming storm as in! i thought it would be like those other "storms" wherein we have no class pero wla namng nangyari.. in short it's just free time.. hehe.. but this was clearly serious as we would later find out...
so tambay lng s room.. nkadaldalan ko p c tin then maya maya.. wala nang ilaw.. the landline was out shortly afterwards.. so okay.. big deal wlang ilaw.. meron n yan mmya... (or so we thought) so we just decided to clean up the mess that is our dorm room!! wahahaha!! then winds started blowing.. (our dorm isn't really the type with hallways.. it's just rooms all facing a courtyard.. the garden.. so just go out your door you could see and feel the storm and witness how it destroyed our trees... poor trees.. )
we ate at this place just next to our dorm (really really just next to our dorm) and u could see out the windows.. grabeh!! the wind was like pushing the people! oh well we scavenged later for food.. mercury was open.. so we just settled for chips as our dinner... then when we were ready to go back inside our room, wala pla kming susi.. wahahaha... buti nalang nandun c ate ana.. whew! i was able to call my house using the dorm's main line so nsabi ko na sunduin ako early the next day bago nawala na totally ung phone lines...
so of course friday.. did nothing.. no elec e... so grocery lang... grabe ung pila para dun s charge ng fone s mall was like sooooper long!!!! so never mind. sat wala ulit... my hope was starting to dwindle nung hapon... all i kept doing was play the piano the guitar, try making advanced notes and tried contacting people.. ang inaaalala ko kc ung mga project namin!!! we have so much to do for the coming week tapos gnun pa mangyayari!! i really didn't want there to be no classes... so sat, we headed to malabon. i charged everything there.. pero no phone line so no internet! useless din.. for some reason, we headed back home instead of staying the night there... so sunday kala ko nman me ilaw n.. ala prin! man! come on! no water, no phone, no elec!! i couldn't take it.. i needed to check updates on our school work so hapon bumalik n ko ng dorm.
pagdating dun.. wla rin palang net.. so i just watched tv.. then check my mail the next morning.. grabe... an daming mga updates nung prof nmin.. and this week n ung deadline agad.. i wasted 4 perfectly good days doing nothing coz of that stupid storm... our presentation though affected by the storm (so we weren't able to video shoot) wasn't moved pa!! sooper cramming na to!!!
alyssa stayed at my dorm the afternoon.. nakicharge ba daw... haha.. we watched the game on tv.. oh well.. talo... what can i say.. as our prof said "we just simply lost it" period. sigawan mga dorm mates nmin hahaha
i can't believe wat i week i'm/we're in for... it's like getting ready to brave a storm or something.. u don't know wat will happen afterwards, yet you want it to be over with rather than experience being in it coz u know how very tedious and downright hard it will be...
that's it.. peace!
+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 5:46 AM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
haay.. natapos na ang debut ni tin este masquerade... ang kyut nung place!! nkita ko un s discovery channel ah.. nyway, bentang benta cia skin.. haha
cympre ang ganda ng debutant... hehe... it was great!! it was hectic for a lot of people esp for those who organized it and for tin pero it paid off. ayos.. lalo na nandun halos lhat ng kbrkada
mis ko n tlga cla!!! napapadalas ata ang pagkkta nmin nitong mga ilang linggo... saya.. haha mga 3 n kmi nkauwi.. tumambay muna kc sa hotel kung san mag overnite ung iba. asar nga ndi ko pde pero mdmi rin pa kc kong kelangan gawin...
school lang tlga panira s mga happy happy hahaha. wla tayong magagawa.. pinasok ko ang ateneo... bwiset...
but i'm glad.. in spite of all this hectic crap, i still have some source of life.. hehehe.. i luv u guys!!! now back at the dorm and back to reality... i guess too many consecutive days of sleeping at around 4 am must've taken its toll... i wasn't able to wake up early today... i missed my fil class whahaha.. oh well.. i missed 1 quiz.. buti nlng i've been doing ok in all his other quizzes...
i was so relieved.. my current history standing is B.. hahaha.. pero mga 20 daw out of 37 smin e nsa may F.. grabe.. bat gnun...?!?!
now i'm preoccupied w/ freakin' program for CS... and so many tests.. sembreak, i can't wait!!!
+ [ tsinhEE ] n a n d 2 p a + Buwahahahaha!;) 12:45 AM
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